Screams of a Crybaby
by Nagasha
Summary: Takes place after the movie Underfist. Underfist has a new quest, a monster who's been killing sailors and pirates. But when a beautiful mermaid joins the picture, will they suceed? Or will other stuff happen? How many times can I say beautiful?


**This is a cookie to cartunelover17. Read her stories! I haven't watched Billy and Mandy since forever, so if anything seems off, sorry.**

Screams of a Crybaby.

"Ahoy ye landlubbers! We be the Jolly Underfist and this is our majestic Pirate Vessel! Argh!" Captain Hoss Delgado proclaimed loudly for all on the ship to hear... unfortunately for one General Skarr.

"Oh will you just SHUT UP! Our 'majestic Pirate Vessel' is just a cramped little moter boat that we bought for five fifty, that says The Princess Delilah on the side, AND… WE. ARE. NOT. PIRATES!" Skarr shouted.

It was true, the boat barely had room for our five… um… Do I really have to call them that? ... Fine… 'Heroes' and was painted several shades of pink, ranging from Pastel Pink to Hot Pink to ! MY EYES ARE ON FIRE! Pink.

Hoss leaned over Irwin and whispered "Shh, I know we're not Pirates, but the monster doesn't know that! And its natural prey is Pirates!"

Irwin looked up at Hoss questioningly. "Um, Hoss if there hasn't been Pirates for hundreds of years and you only heard about this monster last week, how are Pirates its natural prey?"

"If you must know then…"

"FRED FREDBURGER FRED FREDBURGER FRED FREDBURGER FRED FREDBURGER FRED FREDBURGER."

"…And that's how I won Jeopardy, but that's a story for another day. Any more questions?" Hoss concluded.

Fred Fredburger waved his hand wildly. "Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Anybody other than him?" Hoss groaned at the jumping green elephantish-thingy? What is Fred Fredburger anyway?

"Why is it that every time we say Pirate, the P is capital?" The members of Underfist all looked at each other in awkward silence.

"Hey guys, I see something!" Jeff shouted from up on the… 'Crow's Nest' (A cardboard box on a bunch of smaller cardboard boxes). The others quickly looked to where the spider was pointing (except for Fred, who was too busy playing Paddle-ball). "And she's… beautiful…"

The first thing they noticed was the sound, soft and melodious, and to those who have already been given 'The Talk', slightly erotic. But to Jeff, Fred Fredburger, Irwin and Hoss Delgado, it was merely soft and melodious.

The next thing they noticed, (after they got closer) was the woman on the beach of an island. She was beautiful, with beautiful long golden locks of beautiful long golden hair, big beautiful blue eyes as blue as the ocean if twenty million tons of beautiful blue dye was spilled into it, her face looked like it was sculpted by a world renowned artist, who sculpted only beautiful faces, her skin was beautifully and evenly tanned the exact shade of somebody who's skin is beautifully and evenly tanned, her beautiful body was almost the exact same body shape of a Barbie doll, except more beautiful, she had a beautiful mermaid tail that was all the colors in the world beautifully mixed together, somehow not a boring brown but a beautiful new color that has no name and was never seen before but was beautifully beautiful. And she had good teeth to boot.

She looked at Underfist, battered her beautiful, inch-long, beautiful eyelashes and was about to let some beautiful words out from between her beautiful, made-for-kissing, lips when she was suddenly grabbed by a ten-foot tall not-beautiful mossy green creature who roared, then ran off with his beautiful captive.

Hoss took no time shouting "That's our monster!" and they all charged after it, following its tracks and beautiful screams until they found the monster and the beautiful mermaid, who somehow kept looking oh so beautiful and didn't have a single beautiful hair out of place, unlike Underfist.

Jeff and Skarr were drenched in sweat and panting heavily, Hoss called a time out so 'his team could have a break' as he said between gasps of air, Irwin had fainted halfway through the trek, and was left there by his team, and Fred Fredburger… was Fred Fredburger.

But despite Underfist's exhaustion, the beautiful smile of the beautiful mermaid was enough to revive our heroes! A ferocious battle began between good and evil for the most beautiful and precious thing in the universe. Said most beautiful and precious thing is the universe was getting bored by these antics and slid off the rock she was beautifully resting on and somehow (probably beautifully) moved herself back into the woods which were far less beautiful then her.

Meanwhile Irwin was asleep, dreaming of that beautiful mermaid, and in the dream the beautiful mermaid's name was Mandy! He was awoken by a beautifully soft whisper. "Awake, oh brave warrior!"

"M-m-Mandy?" Irwin asked hopefully. Perhaps his dream was true! The beautiful mermaid shook her beautiful head mournfully.

"My name is Drysis." She said… beautifully (getting tired of that yet?) Irwin's eyes were wide and glittery, as if Drysis just asked him to marry her.

"That's the most beautiful name ever… yo." Drysis giggled beautifully and Irwin forgot all about Mandy and Mindy and every other girl in the world including his Mummy Mama. But he did just then remember the danger that poor (and beautiful) Drysis was in.

"Don't worry Drysis! I'll protect you from that monster!" Irwin sprang to his feet and pounded his chest. Drysis giggled again, still beautiful, but almost… sinister. Irwin dismissed that thought as soon as he had it. A person that beautiful couldn't be evil.

"I bet that's why you and your friends are here, right? To kill the monster." Drysis stated beautifully, with a gleefully beautiful smile, her beautiful eyes sparkling with glee, beautiful face in the palms of her beautiful hands and her beautiful elbows on the dirt. "The one that kills sailors?"

Seeing Irwin nod her beautiful smile got even bigger. Drysis turned her beautiful face away from him to hide her beautiful smirk. "I'm sorry, but that fellow your friends are fighting isn't the right monster."

"But then where's the real monster?" Irwin exclaimed as Drysis ran her beautiful fingers through her beautiful hair. "Have you ever read Greek mythology? I just love them. Especially this one in the Odyssey… But it had such a sad ending… Do you want to hear it? I'll tell you where the monster is afterwards."

"O-o-okay!" Irwin stuttered, for it would mean he could listen to her beautiful voice even more.

"Well Odysseus was sailing his ship, and he knew that they were going to pass the Sirens, these beautiful woman with hypnotic voices that made men want to be with them so they jumped off their ships and swam to the Sirens, only to be killed by the sharp rocks of the islands the Sirens lived on. Now Odysseus wanted to hear their song, but didn't want to… well die, so he had his crew tie him to the mast and fill their ears with beeswax, so when they pass, only he'd hear them, and he couldn't hurt himself. And they lived. The end."

"But what's the sad part?" Irwin asked confused, Drysis was starting to scare him a little. "Where's the monster?"

"The sad part? I already told you. Odysseus and his men didn't get killed by the pointy rocks… I wish my island had pointy rocks, but I guess I just have to work harder than the other girls." Irwin tried to get up and run somewhere, anywhere because Drysis was really, really scaring him now, but he couldn't move his legs. How could he have ever left Mandy! "You asked where the monster was, and you listened to my story so I guess I'll tell you…"

Drysis whirled around giggling again but it wasn't beautiful. Nothing was beautiful about her now. Her 'beautiful' blue eyes suddenly became yellow and lizard like and her gleaming white teeth all now like the pointy rocks Drysis wished for. "IT'S ME!"

Irwin's screams echoed from one side of the island to the other, to where the rest of Underfist was. But they were too busy fighting the wrong monster to listen to… the Screams of a Crybaby.

**I'm sorry to those who I scarred for life with the ending.**


End file.
